{"id":145,"date":"2013-01-23T12:44:42","date_gmt":"2013-01-23T17:44:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/?p=145"},"modified":"2013-01-23T12:44:42","modified_gmt":"2013-01-23T17:44:42","slug":"negotiating-with-terrorists-er-uhm-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/?p=145","title":{"rendered":"Negotiating with Terrorists. Er, uhm, Children."},"content":{"rendered":"

This post is in response to something I see every day in online parenting posts, paraphrased below:<\/p>\n

\u201cNegotiating with children is like negotiating with terrorists.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t work. You tell children what to do, not negotiate with them.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s awesome if you\u2019re raising gas station attendants. I think they still have those in New Jersey. But be aware, those jobs are going the way of the typewriter repair man. This is the gist of Raising Linchpins, right here.\u00a0 We must prepare our children for more than that for which we were prepared, where finding the \u201cright career\/job\u201d meant lifelong stability and security. Those jobs are going, going, gone. And being a middle manager wasn\u2019t that great anyway.<\/p>\n

I negotiate with my children all day, every day. I\u2019m a lawyer, so I like to think they are challenged to think harder, bigger, and faster, and in a safe environment. And when they get out into the world (as Soleil already has), and someone challenges their world view, or their business idea, or their method of programming, or their art, they will be ready, because I did not tell<\/i> them what to do.\u00a0 I did not negate back talk, but I do frame it differently than my parents.\u00a0 My children may \u201cadvocate their position.\u201d\u00a0 They must request the opportunity to do so in a manner they\u2019ve learned.<\/p>\n

\"FinnHawley\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It looks like this, and yes this is real, from last night:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Bed! Bed! Bed!<\/p>\n

Finn: I need to advocate my position.<\/p>\n

Me: Does it include staying up later?<\/p>\n

Finn: It does.<\/p>\n

Me: Go.<\/p>\n

Finn: I\u2019d like to be half way through my book for my book report when I put it down tonight. I\u2019ll feel good about that. I have ten more pages to half way and I think that will take ten minutes.<\/p>\n

Me: Make it happen, Captain.<\/p>\n

And this is the real world application, also real, from Kindergarten:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Teacher (frustrated): Girl Student in Kindergarten Class, pick up those Legos right now!<\/p>\n

Finn: May I advocate for her, please?<\/p>\n

Teacher (yes, floored): Yes?<\/p>\n

Finn: She wasn\u2019t the one to pour them out. It was another student. May I help her pick them up?<\/p>\n

Teacher: Yes.<\/p>\n

Gas station attendant? Typewriter salesman? Or Linchpin?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This post is in response to something I see every day in online parenting posts, paraphrased below: \u201cNegotiating with children is like negotiating with terrorists.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t work. You tell children what to do, not negotiate with them.\u201d That\u2019s awesome …<\/span> Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-felicite"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=145"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":152,"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145\/revisions\/152"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raisinglinchpins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}